• addict.wav(36K)
  Nick: What would you say if I told you that I was an addict?
• answeringmachine1.wav(45K)
  Nick: Yeah...Nick Knight. I'm either in bed or incommunicado.
• baseball.wav(94K)
  Janette: I hate baseball, and slow games make eternity seem so much longer.
• beallthree.wav(39K)
  Divia: Daughter, mother, lover...Why can't I be all three?
• bettyford.wav(64K)
  Nick: I am what I am, and I don't think Betty Ford takes vampires.
• bunnies.wav(20K)
  Cohen: Don't let the dust bunnies bite...
• coffee.wav(32K)
  Schanke: Oh. Coffee, coffee, coffee, the kid needs coffee.
• decorator.wav(42K)
  Janette: If I had known, I would have offered her my decorator.
• dissect.wav(29K)
  Nat: I've got places to go, people to dissect...
• docile.wav(33K)
  Bourbon: I prefer my women more docile...
• filthyhabit.wav(63K)
  Janette: Filthy habit...at least I know it can't kill me.
• geraldo.wav(134K)
  Nat: I'll just close the blinds for you, and you can go back to your Bela Lugosi film. Maybe he can give you a few tips. You know, you could go public with this and do quite well..."Bloodsuckers As Public Servants"...next, on 'Geraldo'...
• hisproblem.wav(17K)
  Schanke: What is his problem?
• holdme.wav(14K)
  Alyce 'Hold Me' Hunter: Hold me!
• iceitdude.wav(45K)
  Screed: Ice it dude! I'm behindja!
• imposition.wav(316K)
  Screed: It's not a screamin' problem mate. You just do what needs to be done. Ya look 'er in the baby shoes and you give her the bloody jammie. Ya boozle the girl.
  Vachon: She won't whammy...I tried. She's a resistor.
  Screed: Then you suck the puppy proper - you do 'er. You don't bring 'er over 'ere and lean on a mate. No, this is a major...what's it? Give me the word...?
  Vachon: Imposition?
  Screed: There. Imposition.
• inca.wav(188K)
  The Inca: I an a soldier of the great Atualhpa, leader of the peopel of the sun. I met my death in 1531 at the hands of a Spaniard named Javier Vachon.
• liveordie.wav(77K)
  Divia: Live or die...What is your decision?
  LaCroix: To live, Divia, to live.
• myfault.wav(31K)
  Natalie: It's not your fault.
  Nick: It is my fault, Nat. It's my fault. All of it.
• natbb.wav(17K)
  Nat: Natalie's Bed & Breakfast!
• nutty.wav(35K)
  Reese: A little nutty...sounds more like a nut cluster to me.
• puccini.wav(29K)
  Schanke: Hey! There's a special on Puccini on cable!
• running.wav (127K)
  Urs: Javier's always running...from the Inca, from responsibility. That's part of his charm, you see. He's so hard to catch.
• scorpion.wav(330K)
  Stonetree: There's a legend: if you ever catch a scorpion, don't ever burn it.
  Schanke: Why? They smell bad when they're fried?
  Stonetree: If you burn it, the scorpions come from miles around to where you are...
  Schanke: Don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me. You get all covered with scorpions, right? Is that true?
  Stonetree: No. It's just a legend...like vampires.
• scrapple.wav (78K)
  Screed: That was a right scrapple for that little bit o' apple.
• screwsunrise.wav(25K)
  Nick: Screw the sunrise...Give me the bottle!
• shootme.wav(47K)
  Nick: Will somebody shoot me?...please?
• slacker.wav(16K)
  Vachon: Do I look like a slacker to you?
• squirrel.wav(87K)
  Schanke: Did everybody forget how to drive all the sudden?
  Nick: Sorry...squirrel.
• tea.wav(216K)
  Nat: Here, drink this.
  Nick: What is it?
  Nat: Grasshopper buns, eye of newt...what the hell do you care? Drink it...Have you ever noticed how you can take a simple little thing like...oh, say...drinking tea and turn it into this gigantic, theatrical production?
• undersink.wav(92K)
  Nat: I need coffee!
  Nick: Under the sink.
  Nat: You keep coffee under the sink? That is so gross!
  Nick: Hey...when do I drink it?
• urssongsnip.wav (386K)
  Remember the song that Urs performs in the Hearts of Darkness flashbacks? Well, here's the last stanza...
• wuss.wav (20K)
  Screed: Ya wuss!
• 62caddy.wav (46K)
  Schanke: Did you know that the '62 Caddy has more trunk space than any car made in the last thirty years?
• cherchezlafemme.wav (78K)
  Schanke: Whether you pull the trigger, or they do, in this grand B-movie we call life, there is always a girl. Cherchez la femme!
• cubanmissilecrisis.wav (317K)
  Nick: Let's talk about dogs.
  Screed: Dogs, eh? Not my fav-rit. Too much drool, dogs. Yeah. 'N bleedin' barky.
  Nick: Have you brought one across?
  Screed: In my day? Might have. Can't clearly recall. You know how it is...a little fast food double-double drive-thru pup banger kind of thing, interrupted here and there. Sometimes, if you dob't lick yer dish quite clean...
  Nick: I mean recently.
  Screed: What? Like, since the Cuban Missile Crisis?
• deadbody.wav (25K)
  Schanke: Don't be afraid. It's just a dead body.
• duck.wav (42K)
  Schanke: Will you do me the honors and park my duck?
• floss.wav (53K)
  Nick: Word to the wise. Immortality is no excuse not to floss.
• mazdafetch.wav (206K)
  Nick: Planning on getting a dog?
  Tracy: No, my nephew wants a puppy for his birthday. One of these wrinkly Chinese deals.
  Nick: Sharpei?
  Tracy: I never pictured you as a dog person. You ever have one?
  Nick: Long time ago.
  Tracy: Well, you don't buy a Sharpei, you ransom them. I could buy him a Mazda for the same money.
  Nick: Well, Mazdas don't fetch.
• reesepuppy.wav (77K)
  Reese: He's a certifiable serial creep. Get this sleazeball off my street, and I'll buy you both a puppy.
• tellme.wav (24K)
  Natalie: Tell me you understand.
• overtime.wav (43K)
  Schanke: You know, there's only one thing I like about working with you.
  Nick: Yeah? What's that?
  Schanke: Overtime.
• plaque.wav (26K)
  Nick: Schank, it's only a plaque on a wall.
  Schanke: I've got a wall. I want a plaque. Okay?
• remember.wav (26K)
  Schanke: They made me forget, and that's all I remember.
• remotes.wav (19K)
  Schanke: Why do you have so may remotes here?
• whattime.wav (38K)
  Nick: What time is it? What day is it? What year is it?
• shanke.wav (173K)
  Schanke: Isn't it great? 'In recognition of meritorious service and outstanding achievement, blahblahblah, blahblah, this award is hereby awarded to the investigative team of Nicholas Knight and...Donald Shanke? Shanke? S-H-A-N-K-E? Oh, man...Captain!!!
• unsuited5.wav (164K)
  Schanke: Thank you for, uh, talking with me, Mr. Uh...Mr. Uh...Nightcrawler.
  LaCroix: Only a real pleasure, Don.
• wepeople.wav (111K)
  Schanke: Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
  LaCroix: Maybe.
  Schanke: What? You people make a habit of sneaking up all the time?
  LaCroix: *We...people*?
• souvlakiki.wav (55K)
  Schanke: You know, if you want, I could zap in some souvlaki for ya.
• yodel.wav(21K)
  Schanke: Yodeleaheehoo?

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